Lately I’ve been thinking about yoga. Not just in a “let’s be twisty-bobcat-pretzel” way, but in a “huh, maybe I should go back to yoga class and try to relax but without trying because making that much effort feels kind of against what yoga stands for” way. While I typically don’t subscribe to needing a certain type of clothing in order to exercise, I do know that I enjoy yoga and dance in mostly form fitting bottoms that cover the knee – and seeing as how the pair of pants I’d had since college finally wore out (as in, I was using a shoestring to keep them around my waist and there were holes showcasing my ASSets) I figured it was time to find a replacement.
Pants Purchasing: A History
Admittedly, I don’t remember the last time I purchased workout pants. That’s not true. I do remember. It was probably when Mervyn’s was still in business. And like, not yet announcing they were going out of business. Yep, that is how long it has been. I’ve been lucky – four years ago someone gave me workout pants for Christmas, and two years ago Dr. Dad gave me another pair. And I’ve had the same soccer shorts for at least five years.
And now you know the history of the contents of my workout drawer. This is relevant. Promise.
Pants Purchasing: Yesterday
I spent far too long pondering just where one buys workout clothes these days and settled on Target. I needed a new toothbrush and a pencil sharpener anyway, so this seemed like a reasonable choice. Target even hosts a wall of workout pants. Options! And in petite sizes! Under $30! I felt like I had struck gold. Except, while Target was home to one heck of a lot of pants, they were not home to form fitting workout clothes with the exception of, I kid you not, lycra capris with neon pink stripes.
Not on target.
Something else you should know about my workout drawer is that it’s actually a bin under my bed. But also in that bin are a pair of biker shorts I have had since I was eight. Yes, eight. And those things are great for wearing under a dress when you’re worried about wind, or hanging out in the house when it’s warm outside. But since I already have one lycra item in my home, in no way could I justify bringing in another.
Curiously, I felt a bit optionless at that point. Where does one even go for workout clothes? It occurred to me there’s a Sports Authority nearby, and while I haven’t spent much time in there, I know they’re home to a full-on training section. Workout pants perusing, activate.
Immediately I came across viable contenders in the Under Armour section and felt like, “Yeah, baby! Pants!” I nabbed a few to try on, and then the sale section caught my eye. I’m the child of a man who grew up close enough to the Depression to know the value of a dollar – which is a fancy way of saying we like to not spend more money that needed. So I moseyed over to the sale and found a pair of pants nearly identical to what I was holding in my hand. Same brand, same length, same texture. So I flipped the price tag over.
And the pants were literally $59.
More sticker shock.
Obviously, I hadn’t bothered to price check the full-price pants in my hands. I clambered for the tags, dug them out from under than hanger (sneaky) and hello, $75 pants. Almost as though the pants had suddenly whispered a both creepy and dirty comment breathily into my ear (when I had assumed they were perfect gentleman pants), I returned them to the rack.
If this is the authority on sports, I’ll stick to those who don’t know jack.
Pants Purchasing: Denied
My family is a little…peculiar. We recently were having a conversation about how anything is negotiable, which to me makes me wonder about the true cost of anything. If bartering at Macy’s is acceptable, why the heck are price tags involved in the first place? I don’t want to live in a negotiating society, so I choose not to negotiate when I make a purchase. However, this whole pants thing did some pandemonium in my brain. Maybe I should have offered the clerk $30 and seen what he said?
Looks like I’ll be checking the thrift store…and until then, doing yoga in my biker shorts.