– Wearing running shorts
– Going for a bike ride
– Going for a bike ride in running shorts.
For starters, I typically bike in yoga pants, or in past the knee biker shorts (affectionally referred to as my “butt-pad shorts”) with a pair of shorts over them. Biker shorts have progressed from their popularity in the 1980’s, and are now not only equipped with lycra, but with giant padding in the sitting-regions to add take away that delightful tenderness that can occur after you pedal around the neighborhood for spell. So, besides being form-fitting and shiney, they also add ten pounds to your lower half. Hence why I wear shorts on top of them — it isn’t because I believe in the layering fad.
Well, maybe a little bit. Layering is incredibly useful for any shape of lady. It creates body if you have no body to speak of, and it distracts from the amount of body if you are not comfortable with the body you have. Plus, it is a fun way to add razzle-dazzle and/or color to your outfit!
But I digress.
Hiking up a pair of running shorts for a bike ride, even if you are just going down the street and over the freeway to Kinko’s to make a very important copy, is a plan worse than giving a child a set of oil-based paints over a white carpet. It is even worse than ceiling mirrors over your bed in California (earthquakes, people). It is perhaps even worse than admitting to your boyfriend that you do not always find the “Gilmore Girls” theme song appalling, and sometimes are rather comforted by it.
Running shorts lack the essential, marshmellowy comfort of padding. They are made to be light, not to protect your skin from abrasian. Also, running shorts tend to be short, thus your thighs will cling to your seat like a fried egg to an ungreased pan. When you gather the nerve to remove your leg from your seat, a noise that reminds you of pulling a button that has been superglued to the dining room table will ensue.
My number one reason to suggest avoiding biking in running shorts at all costs is this, though: flashing. Yes, the shortness of the shorts ensures that all oncoming pedestrian, wheeled, and animal traffic will catch a glimpse of your sparkling underwear (because I always wear my nicest under-things for phyiscal activity…), which can cause quite a commotion, what with the honking of horns, the whooping out of windows, and the general gawking of all pairs of eyes.
I got to Kinko’s and wanted to hang my head in shame. Instead, I kept my helmet on, and did the fastest copying this side of Japan.
Perhaps the last reason I would recommend not pulling on running shorts to bike in is that you won’t be taken as seriously. I had a homeless man say to me as I departed the Kinko’s parking lot, “I’m gonna chase you, asshole!!” Pretty sure it had to do with my fashion choice.